I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
