shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
