every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
