Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
