return my video game
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
