I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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