I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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