For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
