Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
