My room smells like vodka and shame
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
