i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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