Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
