i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
