she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
