omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
