Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
