Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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