hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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