Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
