Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
