eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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