New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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