I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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