I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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