Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
