if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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