I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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