maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
