WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
