you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
