the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
