I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
