you lied. pity sex is amazing.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going