I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
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I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
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K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?