Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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