I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.