This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
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it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
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We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.