I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs