All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
