you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
