What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
