He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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