If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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