you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
