dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
