no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
