The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
