We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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