I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
