You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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