whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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