Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
