Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm like, not good at living.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
