sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
