i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
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Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
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I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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