You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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