If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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