just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize