Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
