Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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