I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
be right there i have to get my cape
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
