If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
