Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
ugly people sure do ruin things
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
